via A Love Language Minute e-Letter
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
What's the best Christmas present you can give your kids this year? An iPad? An e-reader?
The other day in the car, Colin asked if we could get a bigger Christmas tree. The one we chose is puny, evidently. I think he wants more room for presents.
That caused me to think about what I really want to give them. I love giving toys, trinkets, gadgets, and giz. I love giving books and gift cards and musical instruments. I love the feeling of watching them open a present and seeing the recognition on their faces that someone knows them, sees inside their souls well enough to get that DVD or pair of woolen socks.
But the truth is, the greatest gift I can give my children can't be placed under a tree, no matter how big it is. The greatest gift I can give my family is a commitment to my marriage and the fortitude to work on that relationship no matter what.
On the cover of the book, A Marriage Carol, there is a Christmas wreath. And below that, the door knocker is in the shape of an engagement ring. These circles represent something that will last, something that has no end. The contents of the book, we hope, will encourage couples to continue the struggle, continue to fight for their marriage even if things seem bleak.
If your relationship is frosty, cold, or almost dead, all the trinkets, toys, and gadgets in the world will not make your kids happy. Their real happiness comes in the security they feel with two parents who are committed enough to each other not to quit, but to humble themselves and go to work.
If you're married, give the gift that will keep giving to your children, your friends, everyone around you, and also yourself. Give the gift of commitment.
No wrapping paper or bow needed.
Showing posts with label Dr. Gary Chapman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Gary Chapman. Show all posts
12/3/11
11/18/11
A Love Language Minute: A Thankful Workplace
via Love Languages e-Letter
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Utilizing Thanksgiving as a Reminder to Appreciate Your Staff
Thanksgiving is the holiday where we are encouraged to be thankful for the good things in our lives - health, safety, adequate food, clothing, and shelter, as well as the many material blessings we have. For most people, Thanksgiving is usually more of a personally-focused celebration, including sharing meals and time with family and friends.
But the Thanksgiving holiday season can also be an opportunity to focus on, and be reminded of, the positive aspects of our work lives. This is especially true in these more difficult economic times, where many who desire employment are unable to find work or have to settle for a job beneath their professional capabilities.
For those who are supervisors, managers, business owners or leaders in their organizations, the Thanksgiving holiday is an excellent reminder to both remember, and communicate, the most valuable asset in your workplace: the people who work there (both employees and volunteers).
While many people sarcastically say, "I'd enjoy my work more, if it weren't for the people"; in reality, most of us have highly talented and valuable colleagues. And a few minutes of reflection can help each of us identify those positive characteristics that our team members bring to the workplace each day.
Identifying the Positive Characteristics of Colleagues.
Think about the individuals you see and with whom you work regularly.
What do they do that makes you smile?
What character quality do they demonstrate, that if it weren't present would really make life at work tough? (e.g. dependability, thoroughness, punctuality, honesty)
What talents or skills do they regularly demonstrate that are part of "who they are"? (e.g. good communication skills, accurate detailed work, being a good problem solver, creative).
Make a list of your teammates, along with the characteristics you've identified.
Communicating your appreciation.
While it's nice (for you) to reflect on and be thankful for the top quality co-workers you have, it would make their day to hear from you what you appreciate about them. Let me give you some tips that will make the appreciation communicated really "hit the mark" (versus "fall flat"):
Make sure your praise is specific and personal. General, impersonal praise is like eating mashed potatoes without gravy or butter - blah. Use their name. Tell them specifically how their positive characteristic makes your life better. Give a specific example, if possible.
Communicate in a way that will be comfortable for you. You can tell them verbally, write an email, or write a handwritten note in a Thanksgiving card. It doesn't have to be a big deal or production. Just do it.
Absolutely be genuine. Don't try to fake it and don't overstate your appreciation ("You are the best accountant in the world!"). Make sure your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language match what you are communicating. If you are rushed, or uptight about something, wait until you have relaxed before talking to them.
A small act of communicating your appreciation to your colleagues may make their whole Thanksgiving a very special holiday. And the rewards you may reap in the coming weeks may be bountiful as well
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
************************************************************
Building Relationships
Building Relationships - The Bare Facts
Saturday, November 19, 2011
With Guest: Josh McDowell
Every year this word is typed into the search engine Google four billion times. The word is "sex," and on the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Josh McDowell talks to parents about this important topic. What do Christian kids need to know? How can Christian parents help their kids? Don't miss this important discussion.
Featured Product: The Bare Facts by Josh McDowell
Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. and evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.
Missed a program?
Click here to visit the audio archive.
View an archive of past emails.
© 2010 Moody Publishers
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Utilizing Thanksgiving as a Reminder to Appreciate Your Staff
Thanksgiving is the holiday where we are encouraged to be thankful for the good things in our lives - health, safety, adequate food, clothing, and shelter, as well as the many material blessings we have. For most people, Thanksgiving is usually more of a personally-focused celebration, including sharing meals and time with family and friends.
But the Thanksgiving holiday season can also be an opportunity to focus on, and be reminded of, the positive aspects of our work lives. This is especially true in these more difficult economic times, where many who desire employment are unable to find work or have to settle for a job beneath their professional capabilities.
For those who are supervisors, managers, business owners or leaders in their organizations, the Thanksgiving holiday is an excellent reminder to both remember, and communicate, the most valuable asset in your workplace: the people who work there (both employees and volunteers).
While many people sarcastically say, "I'd enjoy my work more, if it weren't for the people"; in reality, most of us have highly talented and valuable colleagues. And a few minutes of reflection can help each of us identify those positive characteristics that our team members bring to the workplace each day.
Identifying the Positive Characteristics of Colleagues.
Think about the individuals you see and with whom you work regularly.
What do they do that makes you smile?
What character quality do they demonstrate, that if it weren't present would really make life at work tough? (e.g. dependability, thoroughness, punctuality, honesty)
What talents or skills do they regularly demonstrate that are part of "who they are"? (e.g. good communication skills, accurate detailed work, being a good problem solver, creative).
Make a list of your teammates, along with the characteristics you've identified.
Communicating your appreciation.
While it's nice (for you) to reflect on and be thankful for the top quality co-workers you have, it would make their day to hear from you what you appreciate about them. Let me give you some tips that will make the appreciation communicated really "hit the mark" (versus "fall flat"):
Make sure your praise is specific and personal. General, impersonal praise is like eating mashed potatoes without gravy or butter - blah. Use their name. Tell them specifically how their positive characteristic makes your life better. Give a specific example, if possible.
Communicate in a way that will be comfortable for you. You can tell them verbally, write an email, or write a handwritten note in a Thanksgiving card. It doesn't have to be a big deal or production. Just do it.
Absolutely be genuine. Don't try to fake it and don't overstate your appreciation ("You are the best accountant in the world!"). Make sure your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language match what you are communicating. If you are rushed, or uptight about something, wait until you have relaxed before talking to them.
A small act of communicating your appreciation to your colleagues may make their whole Thanksgiving a very special holiday. And the rewards you may reap in the coming weeks may be bountiful as well
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
************************************************************
Building Relationships
Building Relationships - The Bare Facts
Saturday, November 19, 2011
With Guest: Josh McDowell
Every year this word is typed into the search engine Google four billion times. The word is "sex," and on the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, Josh McDowell talks to parents about this important topic. What do Christian kids need to know? How can Christian parents help their kids? Don't miss this important discussion.
Featured Product: The Bare Facts by Josh McDowell
Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. and evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.
Missed a program?
Click here to visit the audio archive.
View an archive of past emails.
© 2010 Moody Publishers
11/12/11
A Marriage Carol
"Sometimes it takes a snowstorm to melt a heart."
On Christmas Eve twenty years earlier, Marlee and Jacob were married in a snowstorm. This Christmas Eve, they are ready to quit, divorce is imminent. Their relationship is as icy as the road they’re traveling and as blocked with troubles as the piling snow. They take a shortcut to get to the lawyer’s office, on a slippery, no-fault path. She thinks they need to stay on the main road. He disagrees. They fight. Story of their lives and they slam into a bank of snow , spinning, drifting, falling, out of control. Just like their lives. Reluctantly, freezing cold, hungry, scared, she trudges up the hill. Jacob is nowhere to be found. Her ears frozen, fingers and hands red, she comes to a house on the hillside, built like a Bed and Breakfast, a green wreath on the red door and the door-knocker is in the shape of a wedding ring.
The red door opens and the first thing she notices is the fire in the room, blazing hot, a warm, inviting, friendly place and the voice of an old man welcomes her in. There are three golden pots on the hearth, shining, glimmering things. The old man claims that they are used to restore marriages. She laughs-and begins a journey through her past, present, and future that will test how she views her lifelong love. There are two futures available. Which will she choose?
Website: http://amarriagecarol.com/
Love Languages Page for Book: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/a-marriage-carol/
A Marriage Carol Trailer
A Marriage Carol Trailer from River North Fiction on Vimeo.
From Chris Fabry and Gary Chapman, this story penetrates the fragile and fierce relationship of marriage, so worth our deepest and most difficult effort to preserve.Video Link: http://vimeo.com/28434453
Website: http://amarriagecarol.com/
Love Languages Page: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/a-marriage-carol/
© Copyright 2010 Moody Publishers. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.moodypublishers.com/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com
A Love Language Minute: The Power of Words (Veterans Day)
via Love Language Minute E-Letter
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Editor's Note: On behalf Dr. Gary Chapman and all the Chapman Team here at Northfield Publishing, we would like to express our deepest appreciation to all those who have served, or are currently serving, our country in the military. Thank you for your service and sacrifice! In light of Veterans Day, we would like to share with you an excerpt of an article Dr. Chapman wrote for Military Spouse Magazine several years ago. Enjoy.
"Don't underestimate the power of words!"
That's what my mother told me when my dad was deployed in World War II. For them, it was true because she wrote Dad a letter every day. And he wrote her every time he had a free minute. The letters may have been a month late, but they brought news from home. And they expressed love. Mom and Dad stayed connected though separated by the miles and months.
In today's world, with computers and wireless phones, staying connected is easier than ever. Staying connected while apart is the best way to make re-entry sweet. If you are disconnected during deployment, it takes time to re-establish intimacy. If one of you has violated trust by being unfaithful, it takes genuine confession and forgiveness; then it follows the often slow process of rebuilding trust.
For the average couple who stays somewhat connected while deployed and remain true to each other, re-entry can be heavenly; with perhaps a few hellish moments. Whatever problems you had before deployment did not go away while you were apart. You must start, not where you left off, but where you are now. That means, taking time to talk and listen. It means sharing what has happened while the two of you have been apart. Obviously, there is not time to relive all the experiences, but if you are to reconnect, you must share some of what has transpired.
Don't underestimate the power of words. They can make or break a relationship. Such statements as, "I missed you. I'm proud of you. You look great; I am glad you are home," communicate love to the one who has been deployed. While "You did a such a good job with the things while I was away. I'm so lucky to have you as a husband/wife. You look fabulous. I am so glad to be home again," communicate encouragement to the one who stated at home. No matter what has happened, beginning with positive words creates a climate for reconstruction.
This does not mean that you cannot voice your concerns, but even this need to be done in a positive way. "I know I may be misreading this. There are probably some things I don't know. But I felt concerned when...." This kind of statement is not condemning, but seeks information to clarify the situation. You can process your differences so long as you do not condemn each other. When you condemn and harshly criticize, you may create a war that is more volatile than the one from which you have returned.
The motif of a good marriage is mutual support and encouragement. Questions like, "What could I do to help you? How can I make your life easier? How could I best show my love to you?" express an attitude of helpfulness and will likely be well received by your spouse. Reaching out to help each other, you become partners in life, which is what marriage is all about.
The greatest detriment to such positive partnership is selfishness. Perhaps both of you feel that you have gone through a difficult period of life and you deserve a little pampering. However, when you focus on yourselves and start demanding things of each other, you become enemies. When you freely and genuinely reach out with the attitude of helping your spouse, you both become winners. Successful re-entry occurs when both partners seek the well being of the other.
Marsha, the wife of an enlisted man captured it all when she said "After all he had been through, I could not believe it when he came home and said, 'It was a hard deployment. But I'm home now and I'm here to serve you.' Of course, I wanted to serve him. What wife wouldn't respond positively to a husband who has that attitude?"
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/drgarychapman
View an archive of past emails: http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs016/1102482325051/archive/1102606994853.html
© 2010 Moody Publishers
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
*******************************************************************
Building Relationships
Faith Deployed...Again - Jocelyn Green
Saturday, November 12, 2011
On the day after Veteran's Day, we'll present this special Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Our guest is author and military wife, Jocelyn Green. As husbands are being deployed multiple times, the women left behind need encouragement and strength to maintain the home front. And the church can be a valuable part of the process.
Featured Product: Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Green
Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. and evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.
Missed a program? Click here to visit the audio archive.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Editor's Note: On behalf Dr. Gary Chapman and all the Chapman Team here at Northfield Publishing, we would like to express our deepest appreciation to all those who have served, or are currently serving, our country in the military. Thank you for your service and sacrifice! In light of Veterans Day, we would like to share with you an excerpt of an article Dr. Chapman wrote for Military Spouse Magazine several years ago. Enjoy.
"Don't underestimate the power of words!"
That's what my mother told me when my dad was deployed in World War II. For them, it was true because she wrote Dad a letter every day. And he wrote her every time he had a free minute. The letters may have been a month late, but they brought news from home. And they expressed love. Mom and Dad stayed connected though separated by the miles and months.
In today's world, with computers and wireless phones, staying connected is easier than ever. Staying connected while apart is the best way to make re-entry sweet. If you are disconnected during deployment, it takes time to re-establish intimacy. If one of you has violated trust by being unfaithful, it takes genuine confession and forgiveness; then it follows the often slow process of rebuilding trust.
For the average couple who stays somewhat connected while deployed and remain true to each other, re-entry can be heavenly; with perhaps a few hellish moments. Whatever problems you had before deployment did not go away while you were apart. You must start, not where you left off, but where you are now. That means, taking time to talk and listen. It means sharing what has happened while the two of you have been apart. Obviously, there is not time to relive all the experiences, but if you are to reconnect, you must share some of what has transpired.
Don't underestimate the power of words. They can make or break a relationship. Such statements as, "I missed you. I'm proud of you. You look great; I am glad you are home," communicate love to the one who has been deployed. While "You did a such a good job with the things while I was away. I'm so lucky to have you as a husband/wife. You look fabulous. I am so glad to be home again," communicate encouragement to the one who stated at home. No matter what has happened, beginning with positive words creates a climate for reconstruction.
This does not mean that you cannot voice your concerns, but even this need to be done in a positive way. "I know I may be misreading this. There are probably some things I don't know. But I felt concerned when...." This kind of statement is not condemning, but seeks information to clarify the situation. You can process your differences so long as you do not condemn each other. When you condemn and harshly criticize, you may create a war that is more volatile than the one from which you have returned.
The motif of a good marriage is mutual support and encouragement. Questions like, "What could I do to help you? How can I make your life easier? How could I best show my love to you?" express an attitude of helpfulness and will likely be well received by your spouse. Reaching out to help each other, you become partners in life, which is what marriage is all about.
The greatest detriment to such positive partnership is selfishness. Perhaps both of you feel that you have gone through a difficult period of life and you deserve a little pampering. However, when you focus on yourselves and start demanding things of each other, you become enemies. When you freely and genuinely reach out with the attitude of helping your spouse, you both become winners. Successful re-entry occurs when both partners seek the well being of the other.
Marsha, the wife of an enlisted man captured it all when she said "After all he had been through, I could not believe it when he came home and said, 'It was a hard deployment. But I'm home now and I'm here to serve you.' Of course, I wanted to serve him. What wife wouldn't respond positively to a husband who has that attitude?"
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/drgarychapman
View an archive of past emails: http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs016/1102482325051/archive/1102606994853.html
© 2010 Moody Publishers
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
*******************************************************************
Faith Deployed...Again - Jocelyn Green
Saturday, November 12, 2011
On the day after Veteran's Day, we'll present this special Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Our guest is author and military wife, Jocelyn Green. As husbands are being deployed multiple times, the women left behind need encouragement and strength to maintain the home front. And the church can be a valuable part of the process.
Featured Product: Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Green
Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. and evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST at moodyradio.org, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and get more information.
Missed a program? Click here to visit the audio archive.
11/4/11
A Love Language Minute: The Depressed Spouse
by Dr. Gary Chapman
via e-Newsletter
John is a successful business man, but his wife is suffering from depression. "She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house," he said. "She seems to have no ambition. Every night, I have to bring food home for dinner. Many nights she doesn't eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother."
John just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression does not go away simply with the passing of time. John's wife needs medical and psychological help, and without it things will get even worse. Many Christians don't understand depression. They think it is a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical, and emotional imbalance.
Identifying the Problem
What do you do when your spouse is depressed? First, you must get information. It is helpful to think of three categories of depression. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It's nature's way of protecting you from constant anxiety about your physical condition.
The second kind of depression is called situational depression or reactive depression. It is a depression that grows out of a particularly painful situation in life. Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child to college, or loss of a friendship.
The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. It is a physical disease, and must be treated with medication. Visit the library or search the web and learn about depression. It's the first step in helping your spouse.
Finding the Solution
The healthiest road of treatment involves an honest and in-depth evaluation of three elements: physical, psychological, and spiritual. Seriously depressed persons will seldom take initiative to help themselves. As a caring spouse you must insist that they get help. Depression is not an incurable disease. Even those who have been depressed for months or sometimes years can find relief with the proper treatment.
Long term depression can be devastating to a marriage. If your spouse has been depressed for more than a few weeks, I urge you to take action.
GET SOCIAL: Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
via e-Newsletter
John is a successful business man, but his wife is suffering from depression. "She spends most mornings in bed, and in the afternoons she just sits around the house," he said. "She seems to have no ambition. Every night, I have to bring food home for dinner. Many nights she doesn't eat with us. She has lost forty pounds over the last year. To be truthful, life is pretty miserable at our house. I feel sorry for the kids, although they get more attention than I do. But I know they must wonder what is wrong with their mother."
John just described some of the classic characteristics of depression. Unfortunately, depression does not go away simply with the passing of time. John's wife needs medical and psychological help, and without it things will get even worse. Many Christians don't understand depression. They think it is a spiritual problem. While it may have a spiritual dimension, it is often rooted in physical, and emotional imbalance.
Identifying the Problem
What do you do when your spouse is depressed? First, you must get information. It is helpful to think of three categories of depression. First, depression may be the by-product of a physical illness. When we are physically sick, our minds and emotions move into a depressed state. We temporarily check out. It's nature's way of protecting you from constant anxiety about your physical condition.
The second kind of depression is called situational depression or reactive depression. It is a depression that grows out of a particularly painful situation in life. Many of these experiences involve a sense of loss: the loss of a job, the loss of a child to college, or loss of a friendship.
The third category is depression rooted in some biochemical disorder. It is a physical disease, and must be treated with medication. Visit the library or search the web and learn about depression. It's the first step in helping your spouse.
Finding the Solution
The healthiest road of treatment involves an honest and in-depth evaluation of three elements: physical, psychological, and spiritual. Seriously depressed persons will seldom take initiative to help themselves. As a caring spouse you must insist that they get help. Depression is not an incurable disease. Even those who have been depressed for months or sometimes years can find relief with the proper treatment.
Long term depression can be devastating to a marriage. If your spouse has been depressed for more than a few weeks, I urge you to take action.
GET SOCIAL: Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)