via email newsletter, by Dr. Gary Chapman
Getting Rid of Bitterness
Have you ever heard the expression don't get angry get even? Well, there may be a better way to deal with that unexpressed anger than vengeance. Let's look at two negative ways and one positive way of responding to anger and bitterness.
First, there is unexpressed anger; holding it inside and letting it smolder. When we do this, the bitterness becomes like a malignant cancer slowly destroying the fiber of life. Then, there is uncontrolled expression of anger. Like an explosion it destroys everything in its range. Such an outburst is like an emotional heart attack and may produce permanent damage.
There is a better way. It begins by saying to yourself, "I'm extremely angry and bitter about what my spouse has done. But I will not allow their wrong to destroy me and I will not attempt to destroy them. I will turn my spouse over to God who is just, and I will release my anger and bitterness to God." The Biblical challenge is "get rid of anger and bitterness," (Col. 3:8).
Confess to God that you have held your anger inside and that you are bitter. Ask His forgiveness for handling your anger in a sinful way. Then confess your bitterness to your spouse and ask forgiveness. Find a counselor or trusted friend who can help you release your spouse and your anger to God, in order to live a constructive life in the future. Let me admit that a one time confession of bitterness may not eliminate all hostile feelings. If the bitterness has been there a long time, the hostile feelings may die slowly.
Paul said, "Never pay back evil for evil... Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord" (Romans 12:17,19).
You may have been greatly wronged by your spouse, but it is not your responsibility to punish them for their sin. They must face God with their sin, and God is a just judge. Verbal retaliation accomplishes no constructive purpose. Seeking the good of your mate, which the Bible calls love, has much potential for good.
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Showing posts with label Gary Chapman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gary Chapman. Show all posts
9/30/11
Better Than Money
by Dr. Gary Chapman
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
In today's economy, it might be helpful to remember the words that are printed on our money: "In God we trust!" No matter how much money we have, it is still "in God we trust." To trust in money to give life meaning is to trust in an idol.
C.S. Lewis said, "One of the dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness money can give and so fail to realize your need for God. If everything seems to come simply by signing checks, you may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God." Life's meaning is not found in possessions, but in relationships - first with God, then with family and friends. "In God we trust."
In the midst of hard financial times, one wife said, "What we have discovered is that we can live on a whole lot less than we thought. It has really brought our family closer together. Now that we no longer have cable TV we are pulling out the games we used to play when the children were young. We're all having great fun and we are building memories."
For the Christian, some things are more important than money. We have all learned that money can be 'here today and gone tomorrow.' But God is always 'here'. He is never 'gone' today or tomorrow. So in hard times, we put our hand in His, and use whatever money we have to feed our families and help others. Our security is not in money, but in a loving and faithful God.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
In today's economy, it might be helpful to remember the words that are printed on our money: "In God we trust!" No matter how much money we have, it is still "in God we trust." To trust in money to give life meaning is to trust in an idol.
C.S. Lewis said, "One of the dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness money can give and so fail to realize your need for God. If everything seems to come simply by signing checks, you may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God." Life's meaning is not found in possessions, but in relationships - first with God, then with family and friends. "In God we trust."
In the midst of hard financial times, one wife said, "What we have discovered is that we can live on a whole lot less than we thought. It has really brought our family closer together. Now that we no longer have cable TV we are pulling out the games we used to play when the children were young. We're all having great fun and we are building memories."
For the Christian, some things are more important than money. We have all learned that money can be 'here today and gone tomorrow.' But God is always 'here'. He is never 'gone' today or tomorrow. So in hard times, we put our hand in His, and use whatever money we have to feed our families and help others. Our security is not in money, but in a loving and faithful God.
8/19/11
Love is Practical
A Love Language Minute: Love is Practical
God's Expectation
"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." I, for one, am fully willing to admit that apart from the work of Christ and the ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life I am not likely to be that kind of husband. I am in fact, self-centered and often selfish.
However, there is no question that this is God's expectation of me and all husbands. As Christians we must not accept the cultural norm as our standard. Rather, we must recognize that in Christ we have the ability to transcend the pull of selfishness and truly become lovers. Few wives will run away from a husband who is loving as Christ loved.
Contract, Criticism, and Covenant
Many people view marriage as a contract. "I'll do this if you will do that." With enough criticism your spouse may do what you want, but it will not be an expression of love. True love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love.
If we decide to love, then we need to view marriage differently. The Bible paints for us a better picture of how we are to love and commit ourselves to one another. It views marriage as a covenant, not a contract. Covenants might include such affirmations as:
I will look out for your well-being no matter how you treat me.
I view our marriage as a permanent relationship.
I will not walk out on you.
Because I love you, I will confront you when I see you doing things that I believe are harmful.
I will speak the truth in love.
When you confess wrong doing, I will forgive you and never hold it against you in the future.
I am committed to helping you accomplish God's will for your life.
You can count on my support.
Where does one get the heart and the power to live out such a covenant? I know of only one source - God. He is a covenant keeping God and will help you keep your covenant.
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
God's Expectation
"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it." I, for one, am fully willing to admit that apart from the work of Christ and the ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life I am not likely to be that kind of husband. I am in fact, self-centered and often selfish.
However, there is no question that this is God's expectation of me and all husbands. As Christians we must not accept the cultural norm as our standard. Rather, we must recognize that in Christ we have the ability to transcend the pull of selfishness and truly become lovers. Few wives will run away from a husband who is loving as Christ loved.
Contract, Criticism, and Covenant
Many people view marriage as a contract. "I'll do this if you will do that." With enough criticism your spouse may do what you want, but it will not be an expression of love. True love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Criticism and demands tend to drive wedges. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love.
If we decide to love, then we need to view marriage differently. The Bible paints for us a better picture of how we are to love and commit ourselves to one another. It views marriage as a covenant, not a contract. Covenants might include such affirmations as:
I will look out for your well-being no matter how you treat me.
I view our marriage as a permanent relationship.
I will not walk out on you.
Because I love you, I will confront you when I see you doing things that I believe are harmful.
I will speak the truth in love.
When you confess wrong doing, I will forgive you and never hold it against you in the future.
I am committed to helping you accomplish God's will for your life.
You can count on my support.
Where does one get the heart and the power to live out such a covenant? I know of only one source - God. He is a covenant keeping God and will help you keep your covenant.
GET SOCIAL:
Share your questions, thoughts insights, or comments by joining the conversation on Facebook at facebook.com/5lovelanguages
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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