7/2/10

Putting It In God's Hands

One major thing God has been really laying on my heart this past month and maybe longer than that, but it's really been big this past month for me like a breakthrough where I am really trying to fix this problem in my life: I can't live my life where I always have to be the strong one. That is not what God expects of me. I can't control everyone. I'm not responsible for anyone, only myself. If I let go of this immense burden and put it in God's hands, then it helps me to not feel all the pressure, stress and pain of everyone's issues and mistakes. I have had this problem since I was very young. It's more than just being a strong person and trying to be a good influence for people. It goes beyond that. It's where you feel like the whole world is riding on your shoulders. Everything is up to you. If someone makes a mistake it's your fault. If someone is messing up, it's up to you to fix them. Everything is upon you. I've been learning that is not God's will for my life. There have been times when I believe that God used me to get through to some people, but I don't believe that He expects me to live my live like that where I always have that immense responsibility and pressure from people's individual lives and choices. Once a person becomes an adult, you need to let them learn for themselves, control themselves, otherwise you will always have to baby them in a way. It makes you feel like you have to control them and it makes you upset and worry easily over them. It shouldn't be that way. It doesn't mean to not love them, not care for them. Of course we should love and care and be there for them the best we can. But, we can't control and be responsible for them. So, I think that God has really been trying to get this through to me recently and I've been feeling better since then. It's been helping me to not worry as much about others, to not feel as stressed out, a lot of the pressure if off of me and I'm glad. It's not exactly easy, especially in those moments when it "feels" like you need to step in for that other person like you've always done, but still it feels good to try and give the burden up to God, "put it in God's hands," instead of everything being upon me.

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