Published on Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com)
A Letter from Your Ex-Spouse
By Vikki Stark, MSW
Created Nov 14 2010 - 7:48am
One of the most painful things for many who have been left is the fact that they will never get the acknowledgment or apology they feel they deserve. Particularly when a spouse has left suddenly or in a brutally attacking way, the pain is prolonged by the feeling that even if the marriage was not great, you didn't deserve that! So, although you will probably never receive this letter for real, here's a chance for you to read the words you need to hear. Let yourself hear his or her voice and experience a sense of healing as you imagine, for a moment, that the sentiments are genuine.
Here's a letter from your former spouse:
Hi,
This is a hard letter to write, so just hear me out.
I know I should have said all this a long time ago, but back then, I was just too angry and couldn't think straight. I know I blamed you for everything that went wrong in our marriage and I suppose I felt so deflated by you that I wanted you to hurt too, and that's why I said and did the things I did. And once they were said, I didn't know how to undo them so I just kept saying them.
You were shocked when I left, but I was shocked at how you reacted. I didn't think you would take it that hard but there was nothing I could do about it because I knew I wanted out. I was afraid that if I let myself feel badly for you, I'd chicken out and come back and I knew I didn't want to do that. So I blocked you out in order to protect myself.
I just want you to know that you didn't deserve the way I treated you. Even if the marriage wasn't perfect, you loved me and tried to be there for me. You did so much for me and the family, and I know that, at times, it wasn't easy. I just didn't know how to talk to you, to tell you what was on my mind. I was afraid you'd be mad or we'd have a fight, and I hated that. I'd get so frustrated that I felt like I'd explode, so I didn't go there. I didn't think that things could ever change between us, but I see now that I should have talked to you.
I know I did a lot of damage. I'm accepting that now and I'm sorry. I mean that. I hope you find the love you deserve.
From one who appreciates what we once had . . .
Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/50472
Links:
[1] http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/teaser/2010/11/woman-reading-letter.jpg
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