A Love Language Minute: Patience: Because People Aren't Perfect

by Dr. Gary Chapman

www.5lovelanguages.com

In Western culture, we are not trained to be patient. We get irritated just waiting for the computer to boot up. We are also impatient with people who don't operate on our time table. Or waitresses who bring us the wrong order. And yet, patience is one of the traits of love. To be loving is to be patient. In a nutshell: patience is accepting the imperfections of others.

Patience begins by recognizing that people are not machines. They have thoughts, feelings, and they make decisions. Those decisions do not always please us, but we must give them the same freedom that God gives them. To condemn your son for not going to college will not have a positive effect on his life. Step back, and give him freedom to be human.

Isolation is not Patience
Patience does not mean that we do nothing when others are upset with us. I've known people who will sit stone-faced and listen to the ranting and raving of their spouse and then get up and walk out of the room with no comment. This is not patience it is isolation. It is self-centeredness.

Patience is caring enough to listen empathetically with a view to understanding what is going on inside the other person. Such listening requires time and is itself an expression of love. Patience might mean remaining calm when what the other person is saying is hurtful. Patience says, "I care enough that no matter what you say or how you say it, I will listen and try to understand.

Positive Patience
When I become impatient, lose my temper, and spout condemning words to my wife, I have become an enemy, not a friend. So, she will likely fight the enemy or flee from the enemy. So, we have a royal argument that no one wins, and both of us walk away wounded, and try to avoid each other the next few days. All because I was impatient.

On the other hand, had I been patient, I would have asked questions in an effort to understand my wife's behavior. Once I understand what motivated her behavior, I'm more likely to have a reasoned response. I am now her friend and she responds positively to a friend. The whole atmosphere remains positive because I chose to be patient.