Undignified

Copyright 2009 JesusBranded

I apologize for this being a long one- it's kind of a two-part thought.

During my quiet time today, as I was soaking in some music, I decided to randomly flip my bible open just to humor what would come up. I ended up at 2 Samuel 6, and scanning through I realized this is the famous passage where David dances like there's no tomorrow as the Ark returns to Jerusalem; "...Michal, Saul's daughter, came out to greet him: 'How wonderfully the king has distinguished himself today- exposing himself to the eyes of the servants' maids like some burlesque street dancer!' David replied to Michal, 'In God's presence I'll dance all I want!.. Oh yes, I'll dance to God's glory- more recklessly even than this. And as far as I'm concerned... I'll gladly look like a fool...'"(2 Samuel 6:20-22 The Message) It immediately reminded me of a youth event I attended a couple of months ago, when (long story short) during worship almost none of the kids even flinched or moved, made even more so noticeable by this one random grown-up (I don't know if he was a parent or just a volunteer- my guess from what I observed was that he was a custodian of the church being rented for the event) on the side who was very visibly moved and poured himself out as he encountered God's presence. I was shook just seeing him, and I immediately jotted down this thought so that I will never forget that moment: "It's usually those who have nothing to boast of, who have nothing to lose, nothing to prove, no image to uphold, no luxuries to rest in, and nobody left to please that are the ones who approach God with such a disarming abandon that stirs the nations around them, even in their unbelief." I decided then and there that desperation is a powerful force in pursuing God- as long as I have other stupid things to boast of, I will never find satisfaction in Him (Does that mean I literally lose everything? Another discussion for another day, but my gist of it: you don't necessarily lose things, they just start mattering less than they used to. For now don't let this possible complexity trip you up).

Those thoughts brought about this much more long-winded second part. In imagining David's solo dance party, I began thinking of the current definitions, roles, and perceptions of dance (and all of the arts, for that matter) within the church today- and how there seems to be a substandard stigma attached to it by virtue of being WITHIN the church (or FOR God, whichever wording you prefer). Past (and ongoing) conversations about passion versus training, zeal versus temperance, and rawness versus control came to mind, and I guess it started to sort of make sense why the arts within Christianity seem "substandard" (I said seem) to people outside the church- it's because 1. when God shows up, all bets are off, and usually when His Presence overflows, so does your zeal and you just gotta go with it; and 2. when this occurs, chances are the majority of the believers gathered are NOT masterly trained in dance, painting, singing, or whatever else creative outlet there is out there, so they just instinctively run with it. Which leads me personally to a crucial point in my walk as an artist:The question now isn't to be asked of those who faithfully let themselves be overwhelmed by God's presence regardless of training or perception- in fact, they're the ones who hit the mark way closer than I do; the suspect now is me: am I more concerned with saving face rather than possibly pouring out what I've been given back for purposes concerning Jesus? I can't speak too generally, but from what I've seen and how I myself have lived, I know that there are Christians who happen to be trained artists/designers/singers/dancers who would rather pour out their talents and abilities out there in the "real world", where the scores and the ego strokes that are tallied are the ones that "count" in this world. (Geez, that's a long conversation.) I don't say that condemingly- it only seems to make sense: what this world stands for does not include the eternal, and so the things that may matter to those who love God will most likely not resonate with the rest of the world, who happen to be the ones holding the "scorecards". As a result though, I've mistakenly looked to other areas where street cred matters. But isn't this pretense of dignity that I'm holding onto that maybe is holding me back from pouring back into the church? (I understand that there are high levels out there to be achieved by training outside the church, that's another conversation.) Before this goes any further than it should, I guess the "unpackaging" part for me is to examine where my preference for dignity overrides His fullness over me, because where that exists, I'm clearly missing out on more of Him.

So what does that have to do with squiggly lines of androgynous naked human forms? Taking my cue from David himself, who "will become even more undignified" than his dance solo, I decided to give tribute to dance, which often gets some real flak within the church. I drew 20 gestural figures of my choreographer friend dancing, and put them together in a messy, unrefined, raw manner to mimic my fond memory of that random guy who was completely sold on losing himself in God's presence. It's a great reminder that as you realize that a lot of the things you once cared about are really amazingly inconsequential in light of Him, dignity is an insignificant cost in exchange for the freedom to just be a boy running after his God.

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