The Fear of Rejection

(Disclaimer: This article does not belong to me. I am only posting a copy of it on my blog here for educational, non-commercial purposes. To find more resources on the author and their works go to their websites shown in the links below).

Thursday, 15th of March 2012 Authored by Pastor Jefferson O Imgbi

Today’s Sure Word: God has increase the quality of my faith

The Miracles of Jesus: Draught of Fish: Repositioning! Vol. 012

4Now when he had left speaking, he said unto Simon, Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught. 5And Simon answering said unto him, Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net. Luke 5

Part of moving forward with repositioning and reinventing yourself may mean overcoming and conquering four F’s! There may be many other things, but sometimes if you can master the three F's then you can master repositioning and reinventing yourself for success! The four F’s that I am going to focus on are ‘Fear of Change; Fear of your dream not succeeding. Fear of rejection from others and fear of the things you fear most. Today we shall be looking at ‘Fear of rejection from others.’

Fear of rejection from others: What is fear of rejection? What common behaviour patterns exist for people who operate out of a fear of rejection? How do others react to people who operate out of a fear of rejection? What are some underlying causes for operating out of a fear of rejection? Steps to overcome the fear of rejection:

Every one of us experiences rejection at some time in our lives. It may be by a person with whom you want to have a relationship with or it could be when you have been, turned down for a job you really want. The truth is that the only people who never experience rejection are those who never interact with other people, which in effect, make for a pretty reclusive and lonely existence.

The fear of being rejected creates a very damaging pattern of behaviour in our lives. It can cause us to feel that we are not good enough and that we are failures. Within relationships, it can cause us to become obsessive, clingy and jealous and can destroy relationships that have barely begun through us becoming too serious too soon which can drive others away. This manifests itself whereby a partner simply having a chat with someone else can make us think that it’s a sign that they’re going to leave us or if we’re separated for a short time from a friend or partner, we can sometimes feel anxious and even angry as we falsely believe that this means that they don’t want to spend time with us.

It is important to remember that it is not our thoughts that cause us to feel rejected but how our thoughts make us feel. If we feel negative about ourselves, rejection can trigger off a number of other feelings. We can start to feel humiliated, lonely, pathetic, not good enough, useless, and inadequate and a loser. The more we dwell on these feelings, the more pain we’re putting ourselves through and the harder it becomes to put ourselves ‘out there’ again for fear that the same thing will happen next time.

A confident person realises that rejection is simply a part of the risk of living and that, in order to grow spiritually, we all have to take the occasional risk and step outside of our comfort zone. You do not take rejection personally and often view it as a flaw on the other person’s behalf as opposed to feeling bad about ourselves. In other words, you think it is the other person’s loss. I hope you got this. People who reject you are losers.

Although, there is no unique fear of rejection symptoms, these people do exhibit a peculiar behavioural pattern. Such people are not ready to openly communicate and never express their views upon something. More so, if their views happen to be different from the ones they are trying to please they find it hard to say ‘no’. They even keep their personal feelings hidden.

Fear of rejection in relationships often stems from previously failed relationships or rejections. These people are wary of initiating a new relationship or simply asking someone out. They fear that they might be turned down. If they are already in a relationship they might take it too seriously too early, which might drive the other person crazy. These people often associate dangerous words like ‘loser’, ‘incapable’, ‘humiliation’ etc. with rejection. Obviously, this hampers their self-esteem in the end.

People who have a fear of rejection are often manipulated and taken undue advantage of by others, especially those who have a strong impact on them. While the concerned person bends at their will every now and then, these wicked people have a good laugh at the victim’s expense. Unfortunately, no matter how hard a person tries to behave as per the wishes of those who influence him, he is never allowed in their inner circle.

Overcoming fear of rejection is a gradual process that extends over days or even months. The person who faces a fear of rejection needs extensive help from friends and family to come to terms with his true self. He should be taught about how to take things lightly and that rejection is not the end of the world.

One rejection often paves way to a new opportunity, which might turn better than you ever imagined. Running away from your true self cannot bring happiness in your life, instead, the act of moulding yourself as per others’ wishes can leave you miserable and in a state of self pity. You can be truly happy only when you love the way you are. Interestingly, people will also love you only if you come across as a genuine person, true to yourself.

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” Sylvester Stallone (American Actor, b.1946)

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